In honor of Valentines Day, I'm going to rant about a topic plaguing the martial arts community: LOVE.
Maybe some of you are lucky and have a supportive partner. Some of you are not lucky. I know many of you need to fight, argue, and negotiate in order to train. I've also known many martial artists who quit because their partner wouldn't let them continue training. Despite being a martial artist myself... I get it!
Classes almost always take place during the evening, which is prime date/dinner/after work time. Unlike other sports that have a season, martial arts are ongoing. For those of you training in BJJ, I can only imagine how explaining THAT must go down. Plus the martial arts are far more time consuming than an average trip to the gym. Start throwing in seminars, tournaments, extra training sessions, and even the most easy-going of partners might start getting jealous for your time.
So how do we maintain healthy relationships while still being able to train?
My first suggestion is to get your partner involved. Now this can be easier said then done. I'll have another post on just that. But there are many ways to help your partner feel involved besides getting them training with you. Invite her or him to come watch. Tell them how happy it would make you to have them there. That's a good start, and who knows? They may actually want to try it themselves.
Try merging a date into training. Invite your significant other to watch or try the class, then take them out for dinner, a movie, coffee, etc. Perhaps offer to leave early if you need to.
Look at ways to coordinate with your partner. This might look like scheduling your classes on the same nights he/she has an activity. Then you can always plan to meet before or after.
Communicate with your partner. Sometimes there might be something minor and stupid that makes your partner not want you to train. I remember one person who was a pacifist and had issues with her partner participating in something so violent. Issues like this can be cleared up with some communication and education on the martial arts.
I'm not a relationship expert or a psychologist. But in my own humble opinion, I don't think someone who truly cares about you would pressure you to quit something you love. That being said, it might take some compromise to work out your training time and relationship time. I'm very lucky to have found someone who shares my passion for martial arts, but even Brennan and I have had disagreements on training.
Happy Valentines day! <3
Maybe some of you are lucky and have a supportive partner. Some of you are not lucky. I know many of you need to fight, argue, and negotiate in order to train. I've also known many martial artists who quit because their partner wouldn't let them continue training. Despite being a martial artist myself... I get it!
Classes almost always take place during the evening, which is prime date/dinner/after work time. Unlike other sports that have a season, martial arts are ongoing. For those of you training in BJJ, I can only imagine how explaining THAT must go down. Plus the martial arts are far more time consuming than an average trip to the gym. Start throwing in seminars, tournaments, extra training sessions, and even the most easy-going of partners might start getting jealous for your time.
So how do we maintain healthy relationships while still being able to train?
My first suggestion is to get your partner involved. Now this can be easier said then done. I'll have another post on just that. But there are many ways to help your partner feel involved besides getting them training with you. Invite her or him to come watch. Tell them how happy it would make you to have them there. That's a good start, and who knows? They may actually want to try it themselves.
Try merging a date into training. Invite your significant other to watch or try the class, then take them out for dinner, a movie, coffee, etc. Perhaps offer to leave early if you need to.
Look at ways to coordinate with your partner. This might look like scheduling your classes on the same nights he/she has an activity. Then you can always plan to meet before or after.
Communicate with your partner. Sometimes there might be something minor and stupid that makes your partner not want you to train. I remember one person who was a pacifist and had issues with her partner participating in something so violent. Issues like this can be cleared up with some communication and education on the martial arts.
I'm not a relationship expert or a psychologist. But in my own humble opinion, I don't think someone who truly cares about you would pressure you to quit something you love. That being said, it might take some compromise to work out your training time and relationship time. I'm very lucky to have found someone who shares my passion for martial arts, but even Brennan and I have had disagreements on training.
Happy Valentines day! <3
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